Idle musings

Thought you were dead But when i can't sleep I sense your claws Creeping up my spine again Memories traipsing in Through the back door Building up a scream In my throat Like the machines Piling the earth Like cruel children Taking mothers for granted. 

It is surreal when you look back on life and realize how even little nothings have added up to shape who you are today - your passions and goals. And it feels unreal how someone whom you considered a good friend slowly drifts away to become a stranger once more. 

Sitting is the new smoking. We've all heard that one. Yet it doesn't jolt the majority of us into physical activity. What about that minority trying to wean themselves off social media, upon realising all the distraction and propaganda it is based on, and the mental illnesses it festers? Apart from having to restrain ourselves (from grabbing our own cellphone) when an adjacent pedestrian happily clicks away on their phone, which is part of any de-addiction process, you become prey to the noise and radiation emitted by devices all around you. And there are inevitably devices all around you. Unless you are one lucky bloke living in the Amazon, or a cowboy in Texas or something of that sort. Just as smoking is more dangerous to the inhaler than the smoker. 

A second adaptation of A Star is Born released this past Friday, following earlier installments in 1937 and 1976. To the Indian audience, the similarity to Aashiqui 2 ( the 2013 flick starring Shraddha and Aditya Roy Kapur) is unmistakable. Those poor souls who cannot take anymore of that, i would suggest you refrain from watching this one. However, what I enjoyed the most was the original soundtrack (particularly "Shallow" and "Always Remember Us This Way") and the amazing performances by Bradley Cooper, Lady Gaga and Sam Elliott. It is Cooper's first directorial venture as well, to his credit. But some abrupt cuts and a predictable turn of events does not make this film climb my recommendations list. If you watch it with an open mind, you might enjoy it.

After watching  Chekka Chivantha Vaanam and 96, I'm in awe of the actor that is Vijay Sethupathi. Until now, I'd failed to watch any of his films through to the end; not even Vikram Vedha, regrettably. While 96 impresses with its cinematography and performances (it also reminded me of Richard Linklator's Before Sunrise ) , Chekka Chivantha Vaanam  is a gangster flick that offers some insight into the psychology of criminal minds. Considering it is a Mani Ratnam directorial, it was not what I expected. But even though this is not my kind of film, it has, to its credit, a bunch of talented actors(including Prakash Raj, Aravind Swamy, Vijay Sethupathi, Arun Vijay, STR, Jyothika, and Aditi Rao Hydari), and sweeping long takes (I especially loved the sunset reflected on the glass-panelled family home when Thyagu barges in, and the final scene when the camera pans out to reveal that vast expanse of rock facing the sea - to me, it signified the insigificance of human life in the ...

Have you watched the 2003 short film Bypass, starring Nawazuddin Siddiqui and Irrfan Khan? If you haven't, please do. But it features violence and brutality, so be warned. The film explicates on the evils of money; how it can drive humanity out of men. There is a poignant scene where blood is seen flowing into a currency note. This close-up effectively sums up the film's theme. 

Watching Varathan, I couldn't help but happily reflect on recent Malayalam films that had depicted the men of the family stepping to the fore to protect their loved ones (case in point, Drishyam ). Not the macho males who land punches that decapitate goons in seconds, mind you, but everyday heroes, who, with any luck, could be our own fathers, brothers or spouses, or friends. *Spoilers Ahead*  Needless to say, Varathan is yet another feather added to the cap adorning the versatile, impeccable actor that is Fahadh Faasil. Though the role of Abi could bring back labels of his being the face of the modern metrosexual man (as was the popular verdict on films like  Chaappa Kurishu,   Diamond Necklace, Bangalore Days and 22 Female Kottayam), Amal Neerad's latest directorial effectively brings out a new facet of this promising actor's talent. A seemingly naive but caring husband proves he is fully capable of defending his wife from the lecherous male gaze which threatens...

Inevitably, it is the people whom we love the most that end up hurting us the most too. Wise ones advise us not to get emotionally invested in anything evanescent and ephemeral, but can we really, as fragile humans, be so detached as that? We who frown if so much as our usual coffee mug goes missing, or someone else takes that coveted seat on the local tube? Not to mention graver issues like the loss of a loved one. Excepting those who delude themselves into thinking relationships need not be prioritised, who take them for granted, isn't life all about the moments in between, those flashes of clarity which reveal to us who and what shall prevail, if we are paying attention? I believe so. May you be prudent enough to do the same. Else, in the next blink, everything may go topsy-turvy, leaving you with piles of regret.

The other day, I saw a stray canine near a bus stop. He seemed ill at ease even as he lay down on the pavement. But when a pedestrian suddenly passed him by, he sensed the approaching footsteps and was immediately on his feet. Not to bark or bite, but to move out of the way. Wounded animal, right there. He must have been cruelly mistreated by a previous owner or by sadistic strangers, who knows? Humans are the same, have you noticed? Some might build up a shield of seeming toughness around them to save them from further hurt, but if you observe and dig deep, you can see the hurt is always there. Beneath all that anger, cynicism, and whatnot, lies a person cowering in fear of pain. Be kind. Always. You never know how much even a sincere smile could help another person.

I am going to attempt what I assume is something unusual here - pointers on parenting, from my limited experience as a child myself. Of course there are several self-help books, articles, and social media posts out there advising you on the same, but mine is only a humble attempt at stimulating introspection. Because every child deserves a chance at a happy life. So here goes: Be there for your child/children from the beginning. It is important to build a rapport and become their pillar of strength at an early age, so that you can tide over the rough teenage years comparatively easily. Take them travelling from a young age. It doesn't have to be some popular, posh destination, as the media has convoluted the term to be. Anywhere outside the four walls, where they can observe and learn from life in their own way, is ideal. This will also pave the away to inculcate in them a robust physique and an open-mindedness that will go a long way in helping them meander through life. D...

In the olden days, a chosen few had the rare pleasure of conversing with "pen pals" - people whom they had met once or twice at most, or not at all, but in whom they had found reflected, common interests. And these, they continued to discuss passionately through letters. Eagerly waiting until the next one arrived so that one could know the other's thoughts. But gone are the days when you had to wait to hear from a loved one. The internet is a strange place, to say the least. Here too we can converse freely with strangers over shared interests. But it is also a place where thoughts as these pop up - we ignore each other to grab each others' attention. Read it again. And the irony is that such reflections surface on the very medium that fosters such social alienation. What a world.

How utterly have we been reduced to mere numbers! Our door number, phone number, vehicle number, identification card number(s), passwords..and so on. It requires minimum effort to memorize, I suppose. W.H. Auden's The Unknown Citizen rings true in this age.

"God grant me The serenity to accept The things I cannot change, Courage To change the things I can, And wisdom always To tell the Difference." (The Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr)  Can a book permeated with death and destruction make you laugh and leave you flummoxed at the same time? Yes, it can. Here I present to you,  Slaughterhouse 5 ( or The Children's Crusade, A Duty-Dance with Death) , by Kurt Vonnegut, published in 1969. Vonnegut warps our perception of time within the first few pages, to such an extent that we cannot distinguish where reality ends and fiction begins; or whether the current part of the novel is narrated by the writer himself, or the supposed hero, Billy Pilgrim. Vonnegut states in the very first page that the war events described in the book really did take place, but that he has changed the names of all persons implicated.  He talks about death in all its forms, beginning with the cruelty to Christ, to the atrocities of the bombing ...

Sometimes the most unexpected people, or those whose company you prefer the least, end up having the best memory power. Or the worst, depending upon how you look at it, and the memories in question. We would rather remember that time when we earned a pat on the back from a teacher than when we faceplanted the floor, courtesy a careless stranger, right? So such distant acquaintances or foes(worst case scenario, God be with you) regale your companions with some long forgotten incident while you are left fumbling in the dark, either preferring not to remember, or wondering how you could ever forget.

A roar from afar Announced The arrival of rain, But the deluge Had other places to go, And rushed off With the wind, Its charioteer, As if murmuring To the eager earth- "Another hath my heart."

Pather Panchali : Song of the Road written by Bibhutibhushan Bandhopadhyay, endeared me even more to the narrative than the film had, if that is possible. If Satyajit Ray's masterpiece had captured my heart with its wonderful cast, music and the simplicity of village life, the novel took me even deeper into the world of Durga and Opu. Theirs is a small world, composed of their family of four and a few, scattered neighbours and relatives, annual religious festivals, all marked by stark poverty, which they seem to effortlessly take in their stride by engaging in all sorts of games, finding new friends and roaming around in the thickets and plains and jungles that surround their village, Nischindipur. The elderly Indir Thakrun(Chunibala Devi in the movie) holds a special place in my heart. Durga's solitary wanderings especially called to mind the character Raka from Anita Desai's  Fire on the Mountain . The inherent innocence at the heart of this tale will break your heart an...

A quote I recently read by acclaimed director David Lynch seemed to mirror an astronaut's (unfortunately i do not recollect his name) statement from the Chilean film, Nostalgia for the Light , directed by Patricio Guzman. The movie chronicles the relentless search of women for the remains of their loved ones, gone prey to Pinochet's atrocities, in the Atacama desert. (Augusto Pinochet ruled Chile under a dictatorship from 1973 to 1990). Women who exhibit such inner strength and grit, some who have been searching for closure for almost three decades. Their stories are narrated alongside mankind's probing of the sky(astronomy) and the earth(archaeology) to trace the origin of life. Watch the trailer here: https://youtu.be/0VEIeAa6DiM Now here are the quotes: "I don't know why people expect art to make sense. They accept that life doesn't make sense." (David Lynch) "People understand astronauts, but they fail to understand these women." (From ...

Better late than never. Majid Majidi's latest directorial, supposedly a sequel to his Children of Heaven(1997) , is a beautiful film about family bonds, especially those between siblings. Ishaan Khatter makes an astonishing debut as Amir, a drug-dealing teenager, and Malavika Mohanan, who failed to create much waves back south, delivers a surprisingly good performance as his estranged sister, Tara. Akshi's extended family provide some unforgettable, heart-warming moments in the film. The vibrancy of Bombay's streets have been beautifully captured by Anil Mehta. I hope atleast a few of you watched this gem, by one of Iran's best creative minds, in theatres during the short while it lasted.

This surprisingly touching film,directed by Umesh Shukla, is about keeping the child alive inside you, though wrinkles may appear and greys creep up, on the outside. Who wouldn't wish to have a Dattatraya Vakharia at home? But the harder part is to be one ourselves. Let's try to go, "Yo!" like Big B! This roller-coaster ride of a film also touches upon contemporary issues associated with old age, as well as age-old ones. Assuredly, you will leave the theatre with a satisfied smile plastered to your face, marvelling at the talent that is Amitabh Bachchan.

Raazi can easily be called Alia Bhatt's finest performance till date. Meghna Gulzar's direction is impeccable, the story keeps our blood racing, clutching onto our seats, desperately rooting for Sehmat. 'Ae Watan' is a track I found very haunting, especially the Arijit Singh version played out during the end credits, though the children's performance was very moving indeed. As the posters declare, Alia plays a spy in the movie. And what a performance too. Especially that scene where she breaks down towards the end. SPOILERS AHEAD The movie is a tribute to all the anonymous warriors out there, who keep us safe in our homes without our knowing or acknowledging it. I have always felt that we don't give our soldiers the credit they deserve. And this film reveals how there are different types of warriors fighting for our country, and not only on the borders. I suppose many will attribute Sehmat's failures to her femininity. Oh, women don't have the grit ...

Be present in the moment. For, in recollection, carelessness might become unendurable.

Isn't it amusing how we actually enjoy reading prescribed texts outside the classroom, though we may abhor it during the lectures?

These are the things that I live for. A friendly wave after a long day at work. A warm smile in times of sorrow. A reassuring hand in moments of weakness. These moments when humanity shines through, These are the moments that I live for.

There is something deeply moving about watching a person draw their last breath. Now this might be a loved one you have been taking care of for a long time, or a stranger seeking empathy, sensing the end is near, and craving a reassuring hand during the final moments of their life. Either way, feeling the strong grip slacken, the chest rising for one last gasp of air, the coldness creeping into the flesh, and seeing life ebb away from the eyes...is both incredibly saddening and terrifying. One might feel suffocated with sobs or want to run away screaming, faced with this most inexplicable of truths - death.

Do you remember when YouTube released its offline feature a few years ago, the ad showcased people staring at buffering screens, mimicking the movement (Loading..) with their heads? I think the whole of modern life has become like that. A series of waitings. You get up in the morning, head out to wherever it is you want to go, and find yourself caught in a long traffic jam. So you wait. Decide to get a coffee during a break from work? Wait in the line. Forget all that. You talk to a person. Now this is something essential to all of humanity, irrespective of class or gender. So you try to pick up conversation with someone, anyone, friend or stranger, and you've got to wait atleast a few minutes before they finally relent by lifting their heads up from their smartphones (they ironically seem to make people dumb) and giving you a reply. If you are lucky, that is. Else you might have to repeat yourself, or they make it clear that your presence is unwanted, or they ignore you altogethe...

Is it possible to miss something you never had?

In the hubbub of the rat race that has become our lives, we tend to forget the little joys of our younger days. Some call them hobbies. Needn't be anything cliché or high-brow. Just acts of creation or kindness that fills you with joy, and spreads smiles around. Be sure to indulge in them to steer away from the frustrations and disappointments of human existence.

Have you ever been able to step back and look at your life with a detached perspective? As if these things are not happening to you at all, and maybe not even in the present time or space?

There is a character named Jakub in Milan Kundera's novel, Farewell Waltz , who carries a poison tablet on his person, wherever he goes. It gives him the liberating feeling that he has the power whether to live or die, in his hands. Apply this scenario to real life, and I find it ludicrous. How many people have you heard of, apart from terrorists, who commit suicide without a second thought (Jakub survives, but that's not the point here). Even at the exact moment that we are prepared to face the end, don't all of us hope for a hand to reach out and pull us back into the bustle of life? And even if that doesn't happen, your sense of duty may hold you back. Because love is both a burden and a curse. Call me ungrateful, but those of you who have felt it is only a blessing, are truly lucky.

Do you ever hoard scenarios, words and phrases,  or snatches of conversation, from your favourite books or films, in the recesses of your mind, to be used in real life? Some lines that just inexplicably strike a chord with your soul, which you wish you could incorporate into your daily interactions, even if your circumstances don't necessarily permit it? No? Okay, maybe that's just a quirk of mine. Tell me one of yours. P.S. I'm officially back in full swing!

Why do we always idiotically presume, when hardship strikes, that this is the worst that could happen to us? And then comes another blow out of the darkness, leaving us stunned and disoriented, yet again. Look, just because you put some effort into today, doesn't mean the universe owes you a reward. Get such thoughts out of your head; they will only lead to disappointment and heartbreak. None of us are special; if you feel so, be assured that it is an illusion. All of us are just dustmotes floating in a vast universe, the scale of which is beyond our comprehension. Look at the larger frame, and you will see that none of today's trifles matter. Nothing matters. Nobody cares. You just summon your strength, learn to accept the highs and lows of this cursed existence, and one day, pfft! disappear forever. That's all there is to it, and there's no easier way of putting it.

In the hopes of recapturing the rigorous reading of my younger days, and to the new doors that open with every re-reading, here goes: These pages speak to me Maybe not as in the old days But certainly in new ways... A humble attempt at poetry.

I watched Abrid Shine's 'Poomaram' twice and can confidently say that this is Malayalam cinema's finest campus film since 'Classmates'. Abrid is familiar to the Malayali audience as the maker of earthy tales auch as '1983' and 'Action Hero Biju'. The one and a half year's worth of wait is finally over, and forgiven, because the film, which is infused with the unifying spirit of art (in all its forms), is a beautiful piece of art in itself. Here I quote some meaningful lines:   നേരമായ് നിലാവിലീ ജാലകം തുറന്നീടാൻ.. It's time that we embrace new techniques of storytelling. Haven't you had enough of the shimmying romances shot in Switzerland, and orchestrated action sequences, folks?! If you are ready for a change,like me, please do watch this refreshing take on campus life. Poomaram, as the title promises, is vibrant, optimistic and sheer poetry, as regards the visuals, and the beautiful songs(all acapella, please note, and each on...

The greatest downside of becoming an actor in the industry today, is having to encounter  the paparazzi wherever one goes. To such a level that your wardrobe is disseminated and your honest reactions misinterpreted by the ruthless media and a mass audience vying for another peek into the private lives of their favourite celebrities. The situation has escalated to such an alarming extent (owing to imitation of Hollywood, is my guess) that maintaining a calm visage and learning when to speak, what to reveal, becomes an art in itself. We say all of life is an act, but these guys took it to another, more exasperating level, don't you think? The best part of being an actor, then and now, from what I infer as an audience, is the sheer freedom you experience once you slip into the designated role. This applies to actors dedicated to their craft, who are willing to experiment beyond the enticing realm of commercial cinema (a phenomenon that is happily gaining ground these days in Bollyw...

It is the strangest paradox. So many of us suffer owing to selfishness of other people, and yet we have to force ourselves to face other humans to keep growing, so as not to prevent the flow of the stream of life.

You know it's a twisted world you live in when you begin to mistake birdsong for a cellphone's ringtone. When you hear a meow while on a train and look around to find the cat, you realize it is only another passenger watching a video on his smartphone. Similarly, the sound of a giggling baby may or may not be arising out of an actual, live human. In this techy world we live in, you never know. Better to makes sure first, always. If you are one to pay attention to these things, I mean. Otherwise, by all means, continue to converse with your gadgets.

No, I am not going to speak about the Penal Code or the constitutional rights of Indian citizens. Today's post is about a Malayalam film helmed by youngsters, that has been blown way out of proportion. Those of you who are informed regarding matters of film will know(but may not agree with my opinion)that I'm speaking about Dijo Jose Antony's debut directorial Queen. The film's trailer had garnered a whopping 1 million views within a short span of its being released on Youtube, and youngsters had been eagerly awaiting its release for almost a year now. Interestingly, the movie became an instant hit with the audience, especially college-goers of the mechanical engineering background, whom the director had unmistakably targeted, atleast as concerns the first half of the film. By the time the beginning credits roll in, we get an idea that Queen aspires to be more than an enjoyable flick about campus life. But to what extent is revealed only if you persevere through the...

We have all been lured into believing that there is a so-called "Prince Charming" or "Cinderella" waiting at the end of the aisle for us, via popular media; especially romance novels, mainstream cinema, and maybe popular tv shows as well. Some of us do belatedly realize that these dolled-up versions of actual people belong only in the script and not in real life, while others have irrevocably heightened their standards for a prospective life partner to impractical levels. The latter group can be said to be predominant in India, what with Bollywood shaping our views of love for almost half a century now. Who isn't familar with heroines decked in makeup, sashaying about in a saree, in staple boy-meets-girl tales? Or heartthrobs like Dev Anand and Shah Rukh Khan? Yes, you get the picture. Now those of you who still live in Bollywood dreamland, kindly refrain from reading the rest because it may not be to your liking. Think about this - How utterly beautiful it w...

Watching The Greatest Showman on the not-so-best of days - best decision of my life. Alright, alright, that may or may not be the immediate hangover of watching this spectacular film onscreen, but whatever. A musical that weaves the story of a family which rose from rags to riches. But that is only the film simply put, because it is so much more than that. The Greatest Showman begins with the endearing story of a loving family, the central character being Phineas T. Barnum, one of the pioneers of the circus. Beware, this film is going to put a huge smile on your face, with a few tears in between, and it is going to make you rediscover the child in you, to see the world untainted once again, and to shake a leg, because the tunes are so groovy. Regardless of whether you witness the magic unfold alone or with family, if you are prepared to suspend your disbelief for a couple of hours, you shall be rewarded. For those of you who still soak in the big screen experience ...

Directions is a brilliant movie I chanced upon at IFFK. It is a Bulgarian film directed by Stephan Komandarev. What begins as a seemingly normal neighbourhood brawl develops into a deeper look at the lives of taxi drivers- six of them, to be exact. The realistic, insightful narrative is sprinkled with dry humour and social critique( ranging from violence and globalisation to emigration and economic depression). The director explores the life of cabbies - how and why they took up the profession, and where it leads them, and emerges with a universal tale of human woes. Warning - Spoilers Ahead There is the father who wandered into this line of work to pay off his debts and send his young daughter to school. There is the young man, a teacher by day, who, despite being brushed off by a passenger, swallows his ego, and saves the latter from committing suicide. There is the driver who could not care less about his passengers; who openly smokes, listens to loud music on the radio,...

In recent years, it is quite a common sight to see shopfronts lighted up for obvious security reasons. But this practice has added flavour to the Christmas season with the welcome variety of colours in the form of Christmas stars and lights adorning not just stores, but homes and churches. The spirit of the season is made infectious with this dash of colour and conveys a feeling of homecoming. Add to that the magnanimity of strangers wishing you a good year, and one can't help but feel a sense of fulfillment.

Technology has made cowards out of most of us. Now we have the luxury of saying watever we want to express, whenever we want to, either through personal chats, or to a global audience, via social media platforms. In an actual conversation, one has to pay attention to the listener's body language and facial expressions. Even a tiny twitch of the eyebrows or lips could tell us much about the other person's receptivity, or the communicability of our own ideas. But in the virtual domain, none of this comes into the equation, which , I imagine takes off a huge weight from the shoulders of those who don't have the courage to hold a heart-to-heart conversation in the eye.